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2X3PRONG DAY (WHATEVER THAT MEANS), a date exhibiting just the sort of numerical gimmick corporations love to exploit for their big releases, or for launching MAJOR REBRANDING INITIATIVES.In the case of your CHERISHED MULTIGLOBAL EMPIRE, both such events are slated to happen today.

The young lady is expecting to find this game in her mailbox today.

She is expecting the game to be enclosed in a pair of envelopes, and printed on these envelopes, she is expecting to find her name!

What sort of vulgar, childish moniker were you going to stick this poor bastard with? You would love to travel around the world, toppling any SACRED URNS you encountered. You can basically take this story LITERALLY ANYWHERE, as long as you don't pick one of those shadowy characters, and as long as the panels are actually finished being drawn. 11/12/11 "Jane: Get hat." You captchalogue your FAVORITE HAT, which is also your ONLY HAT. Not the most awe inspiring logo you've ever seen, but who are you to judge? (You make a mental note that when you turn 18 and inherit the company you will change it back to a spoon, you love the spoon.) 11/14/11 "Jane: Examine bowlbuster." Sure enough, the JUNIOR BATTERMASTER'S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 has been affected too, along with your specibus. Not the type I'd expect to trot out such persistent falsehoods beyond their humorous welcome.

You'd be tickled by the opportunity to defile HALLOWED TOMBS everywhere, raiding them of their treasures. It is like this whole panoramic cornucopia of limitless possibility sprawling before your very eyes. You spent basically your ENTIRE CHILDHOOD in this hat, pretending to be hard boiled detectives and whatnot. Everyone could tell by a glance that you were your father's daughter, sired from his loins directly and genetically, through what was undoubtedly a natural process of human procreation involving a man and a woman. Crockercorp is nothing if not thorough with its branding tactics. 11/14/11 "Jane: Try flipping switch." You try the broken switch again. 11/16/11 "Jane: Ok, back to the chest." You return to your BAKING CHEST which you use mainly for storing QUALITY PRANKING APPARATUS and a few other odds and ends. His friendly face is there to greet you every time you open your chest. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the tender age of 86 in a tragic accident, coincidentally on the same day you were born, or so your dad tells you. He is also one of your idols, and as it happens, has a bit of a history with your poppop. And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse.

His name was etched when he turned 13 too, almost 3 years ago. You're known to be found with your nose in a COMIC BOOK OR TWO, not that it makes you a nerd or anything, like you even CARE about that! " You make a dutiful motion toward your TRUSTY FIREARMS, doing your part to assail the mushy carcass of a horse that passed away long ago, when suddenly a WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN APPROACHES!!!!!!!!!! But just to be sure, you rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, you are FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE. Whatever, 11/12/11 "Jane: Examine fetch modus." It's your RECIPE MODUS, an extremely handy little inventory widget your DAD got for you for your birthday a couple years ago. Maybe you'll rummage through some of that stuff later. Postal Service is the one thing it doesn't have its gnarled claws in yet? 11/15/11 "Jane: Answer." |PESTERLOG| GG: I can write off much to tomfoolery as I'm no stranger to a good prank myself.

It's been sitting here messily in this UNBELIEVABLY DEADLY PILE OF GUNS ever since. Not a gent of your PANACHE AND SWAGGER, qualities which you would BANDY WITH APLOMB on your globe-spanning adventures, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. You really feel like you are in the driver's seat now. Alas, it was not there, and you sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on your face for no great reason, and then you were caught red handed by your guardian. He can be a real hard-ass sometimes (not really), but he sure knows how to spoil his little girl. The modus as a captchalogued object has only one simple recipe, involving an ARRAY MODUS (snore! ) Other objects have more varied and elaborate recipes though. You guess the empire wasn't able to coordinate the mail with its rebranding. (Another mental note: sink gnarled claws into post office when you take over.) 11/15/11 "Jane: Open chest." You decide to pass the time by rummaging through your BAKING CHEST and... But quite honestly you seem too kind for this charade.

It is so elite in fact, you are the only of your kind invited to playtest!

Though you guess that probably comes with the territory of being the HEIRESS APPARENT TO A BAKED GOODS EMPIRE.

You are also pleased to contemplate FRIGHTENING FAUNA, though saddened by their regrettable FAKENESS ATTRIBUTE.

But none of that's on your mind now, because you are PSYCHED about this SPECIAL DATE, , i.e.

You can't wait to see what is in store, and for the mail to come.

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