After dating for 2 years

He says he only lied initially out of embarrassment. And, on a different note, should this be a deal breaker to me as a feminist who works with victims of sexual abuse at my job?

There's some evidence that Backpage has been used for sex trafficking, and I told him that he might be exploiting these women even if he didn't meet up with them.

You’ve got a legitimate ethical worry, so let’s talk facts: has been used for sex trafficking for years; just see this report in the .

As that story notes, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children calculates that incidents of online child sex trafficking exploded from 2000 to 2015, growing about 800 percent, largely through online services.

Instead of asking him to give up any sex content online, you could even steer him toward more “ethical porn,” a fast-growing segment of the adult industry, which is on the rise.

There’s still no mega Whole Foods of porn, but Googling “ethical porn” should lead you to some companies that are trying to be more responsible than Backpage.

Before Backpage pulled its adult ads, the company made about 90 percent of its income ($135 million total in 2014) from adult advertisements of all sorts. Backpage has argued that the majority of Backpage adult ads are posted by consenting adults and firms working in an unregulated industry; the company claims that it has worked with law enforcement to catch predators and traffickers; it has also denounced its critics as enemies of free speech who are censoring its ads. Maybe your boyfriend was just jacking off to dirty pictures.

It’s true that Backpage has been an open, largely unregulated, democratic platform, but sex ads have paid the bills, essentially, and many advocates believe that the company hasn’t examined the source of that cash closely enough or used those profits responsibly. I can’t say if your boyfriend’s cheated on you or not, but I do think that, only in the most extreme cases should anyone be damned by their internet browser (or porn-viewing) history alone.

He initially lied and told me he had no idea why it popped up.

Eventually, he said that he uses it to jerk off to and he swears he has had no contact with any other women.

I’d ask the same question about your weekend trip ambitions: Have you ever taken the lead?

Have you told him there’s some place you’d like to go? If money is an issue (and it always is), have you suggested an affordable trip to a nearby Airbnb? Have you ever thought about just booking a spot for two nights and surprising him? (If you’re waiting for him to read your mind, I hate to break it to you but it’s not going to happen, ever.) Basically, I just want to remind you that these aren’t end-of-world issues.

I'm tempted to hook up with other people because I'm hurt he still won't commit but keeps bringing me around like I am his girlfriend. In your case, it might seem weird to you that you’re spending Christmas with his whole extended family but to him? Don’t spend so much time reading deep meanings into the little ways he’s normalizing your relationship when he’s telling you he doesn’t want a relationship.

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